Monday, October 20, 2008

Stealing Erin

I was listening to the song "Stealing Cinderella" on my way to work this morning and was envisioning it someday playing during a slideshow at my daughter's wedding. I was thinking about what pictures of her could accompany the lyrics: The one, at age 7, dressed up as Cinderella for Halloween; next, on her very first bike without training wheels; then, in the summertime at the pool... You get the idea. I was nearly in tears by the time I got to work, thinking about how I would essentially be losing my baby on her wedding day. Oh, and by the way? She's 9. How am I going to handle this when it really happens? How does any parent deal with it all?! Why do I even think about this?

Two years ago in November, I sat at my ex-husband's wedding with tears in my eyes over the song that accompanied HIS lifetime of pictures. Part of the lyrics were, "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you." All I could sit there thinking was, OH, GOOD GOD! I am the broken road! I AM THE BROKEN ROAD! And then I felt guilty. How many years of his life had I wasted, I wondered, when he could've been with someone he was better suited to? But no, wait--I reassured myself. It was all working out. We have a beautiful son together, we both have amazing spouses, we're friends with each other now... so it's all good, right? But no, I AM THE BROKEN ROAD! Two years later, and I'm still thinking about that. How long CAN a person hold onto guilt, huh? Don't bother answering that.

Anyway--back to my original point. Do you ever worry about not hanging onto today enough? Do you worry about tomorrow so much that you end up taking away from what you have today? My mom used to always shake her head and say, "Oh, Susan--you die a million deaths."

Stealing Cinderella

I came to see her daddy for a sit-down, man to man

It wasn't any secret I'd be asking for her hand

I guess that's why he left me waiting in the livingroom by myself

with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf

She was playing Cinderella

She was riding her first bike

Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight

Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin

Dancing with her dad, looking up at him

In her eyes I'm Prince Charming

But to him I'm just some fella

riding in and stealing Cinderella



Suz said...

This is great and touching.
Aren't we all the "broken road" somewhere, sometime? yes. Get over the guilt. Destiny, fate, all that stuff is meant to be. That is how you got to today!
Yes, I also worry about tomorrow and I should enjoy today much more.
Thanks for reminding me!!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Hi there. Thanks for coming by. I am so glad you liked the pumpkin crisp. This post was awesome. I think it's great you're all friends and I agree you can't let guilt keep you from enjoying the days. But it is funny, we ALL are someone's broken road.

Rebeckah said...

This was such a great post! I don't think you should feel guilty anymore. We all make mistakes. Sometimes I look back on the stuff I have done and I just can't believe it. I feel guilty. But I know that God uses everything in our lives to make us stronger better people. Erin is SO beautiful. Kaishon is 8 and I feel the same exact way. Growing up is scary.