Sorry I haven't been around; life's been CRAZY.
Joe spent 12 days in bed with his back--literally not able to sit or stand for more than 10 minutes at a time (and that's once he was feeling better). He's finally back to work, walking with a cane, but I feel like his back's a ticking time bomb. When will it fail him next? Should I plan a vacation -- ever? Um... once we get caught up on back house payments and car payments and credit cards, that is??? It just makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I hate to see him in pain, I hate to wonder when the other shoe is going to drop, I hate wondering how long he'll be able to work.
I don't like uncertainty. My dad went from one job to the next, when I was growing up, often times riding out unemployment for 6+ months at a time (while my mother was a SAHM). As a result, I have stayed in jobs I've hated--sometimes for years at a time. I have cried before work every morning, but never given up. I am that determined to always have a steady paycheck. He scarred me that much.
This isn't Joe's fault, but it still is making me crazy. I think it's like flashbacks to my childhood. I just don't like feeling out of control. But... I, if anyone, should realize there's only so much you can control in life. I guess I leave the rest up to God. Right?
Anyway, between the stress of his back, and feeling like a single mom trying to handle everything at home, and my best friend's mother dying this past week (along with four other people I know!!!)... well, blogging hasn't been on my mind much.
Hopefully I'll resume to my "regular" crazy, sarcastic state soon and have better, more interesting things to talk about.
If not, I'll just come back and whine. I'm awfully good at that... don't you agree?!
4 comments:
I am so sorry to hear all you have been dealing with. I really hope Joe feels better and that the other shoe STAYS ON!!!!
Your childhood has such an impact as to how you live as an adult...isn't that crazy.
But the good thing is, we know this and we can make sure our kids don't have any emotional scars too.
take care....hoping all gets better for you soon.
Suz
This is tough. I don't like the feeling of uncertainty either. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I hope things improve!
Gosh, I am SO sorry. You definitely have a lot going on. And I am sure I speak for all when we're hear to lend an "ear." I hope things get better. And you're right, just as I am doing now with searching for a job, all you can do is your best and then leave the rest up to God. Prayers your way!
That is one full plate. It is so true that what you try to do with your adulthood is a direct reflection of what you disliked about your childhood.
I'm with you--security and stability are valuable commodities.
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